had lots of fun today. =) first we went bowling. that stupid irenaeus! she wanted to go bowling then in the end she couldnt come..why? her results werent "good" enough. she did much better than me and her parents are still so strict. scary. she herself couldnt come and she invited angeline and wan ling. in the end, lati didnt come either. she went to eat seoul garden! the first game of bowling was great, i was really excited and all..but when the second game started, i lost iterest and couldnt wait to leave.

when we got to sunplaza park it was about 4 i think. dyn said the gig was supposed to be 3 to 6 but it didnt even start till about 5! when we got there, it was me, dyn and syid. we were too malu to go and find a place so we decided to go kfc to eat. at that time, i sms-ed khabir and got him to wait for us so at least we would know some people but syid had to go home. when we went back to sunplaza park, me and dyn met khabir but we felt really extra and again decided to leave. haha. but khabir and hakeem followed us and we went back. this time, we sat with khabir's sis. she was really nice to us, very sweet. =) and, i finally got to see hakeem. amazing how melati kept gushing over how cute he is. when me and dyn met him, we were surprised. he isnt that cute after all. haha. when we sms or talk to him online, he seemed like the loud, outgoing type, but when we saw him, he was so quiet. haha. and he thinks im a chinese with a little bit of malay and indian mix. he doesnt know how wrong he is.

and that stupid melati..we waited for her since 4+ 'cause she asked us to. and in the end, when her mum didnt let her come, she didnt inform us until we called her to reach there faster. *arghz* so me and dyn stayed there till about 6.30. khabir and hakeem bothered to walk us to the bus stop. i have to say, though khabir is all sombong and all and likes to talk big, hes really sweet inside. now waiting fer aqil to get home. later-

saturday already. woah. a week more to june holidays, and that could only mean: more trainings. the bright side is that after next week, coach will be going to kL for her neice's wedding or something and will only be back 25 june. meanwhile trainings will be at kallang..with ms cheng. i agree with pei xian: ms cheng is very relaxed, we wont train our best.

im still going bowling..at 2. me, syid, dyn, ren, maybe lati, angel & wan ling. then ill probably go to the gig at sunplaza park with lati and dyn.

reading past entries, i think i went crazy about the netball issue. hey, it wasnt so bad. =) i just need to tahan few more years.

it actually felt quite good to run a lot. i wonder..do i like netball or hate it? after training coach gave us a long lecture on personal hygiene and stuff. *sighs* nothing new. about the key, mr teo was very relaxed about it. i told him i lost the key and all he did was say nevermind. after training, i went to white sands to duplicatethe cage keys. it was daylight robbery!! 4 bucks per key..and just in case i made 2 sets of keys. i lost 32 bucks just like that. woah.

i guess i can forget about bowling this weekend.

from someone else's blog who took it from someone else's blog...

i wanna run as further away i can until all my problems seem so a far but running away solves nothing but only digs deeper into the feelings in your heart. I stuff up so much, is it true "you learn from your mistakes"? Yes but sometimes i keep repeating the same mistakes. I wish i could turn back time and change everytime.. I didnt mean know the things i said and i didnt mean the things i did. I wish i was a better person a better daughter a better friend. I wish i could start all over again for the minute i was born. whats the use wishing but all i can do is use this time now and not repeat the same mistakes

jeez..blogging is addictive after all. everything i see, i wanna post it.

Heaven
Take me away,
from this garden of evil,
take me to,
a field filled with happyness,
drown out my sorrows,
erase my past,
fulfill my dreams,
with a love that will last,
take me away from awful tommorow,
take me to,
a dream i dream to die.


There is no where to run. There is nowhere to hide.


As I lay here alone
All these thoughts come to mind
I seek a place
I know I can't find

A place of comfort
shelter and love
A place created
By the master from above

The thoughts rush in
like never they have before
but noone seems to understand
so I leave them at the door

Oh who could I confine in
When none seems to care
Oh tell me who to turn to
When I'm in such great dispair

PLease tell me... will you be there?



Suicide Note.

Sorry! For all i've done,
I won't get in your way.
and by the time you read this,
On my death bed i'll lay.

I'm worthless and lonely,
So i think this is for the best.
I needed to kill myself,
and put myself at rest.

Not like anyone will care,
Or anyone will bother.
I was just a silly kid,
who was hated by his mother.

I do not want a funeral,
Don't go the expense.
Just chuck me away in the rubbish,
You know that it makes sense.

Give all my stuff to the poor,
and burn all the pictures of me.
I don't want anyone to know,
That i've been so cowardly

buk..you probably wont read this now or maybe even ever, but thank you k? past few days, ur sms-es are one of the few things that makes me smile. all i had to do was sms you to get a cheery reply, and you would sort of infect me. thanks.
*btw, sorry, ripped off the above from your uJ* =)

now im so sure that i dont enjoy netball as much i used to.

i remember when i first joined netball in primary 3. the game was so interesting to me and i fell in love with it, you could say it was my first love. back then, i cant remember if i dreaded training but i enjoyed most of it. ms anna, our first coach. she was the greatest. she was only in poly but she was coaching us as a part time job and we all had fun. usually, if the training was good, after training, we would play some games. not exactly netball games, but just games. usually, the games would help us in some way to improve our physical fitness and at the same time, we had fun. when we took part in the east zone for the first time, it was more of a 'have fun, play, nevermind if you win or lose'. i think it was 'cause cca achievements werent really that much of a big deal back then. when ms anna coached us, i guess she really understood us 'cause when she was coaching us, she was about 19 or 20 years old and we all were 11. 8 or 9 years isnt much of a gap.

but compare it to now?
every day of the exams, i hoped it would drag on and on, hoping tomorrow would never come. somewhere along the lines of all the training sessions, i stopped enjoying myself. now, everytime i think of netball trainings, im full of dread. i suppose maybe its because of that thing with coach. im sure everyone has felt that 'want something but dont want something' feeling. when i realised, i want training but i dont want training, i wanna quit netball but i dont wanna quit netball, i tried to express myself to coach. big mistake. she took it as i dont want training, which is partially true. in the end, i didnt try to explain to her. how could i? shes an adult, she interprets things differently. thats what dewi said, and i guess it is really true. just like when we are kids, we say we wont be as controlling over our children as our parents were to us, but when we do have children, we'll probably end up doing the same things our parents did. nowadays, training has just become a chore. maybe it wouldnt have been so bad if i wasnt chosen as captain. coach said she regretted putting me as captain since i seem to 'lead them the wrong way' anyways, but then again, i never asked to be captain! i never wanted to. and its not as if i have the discipline to face responsibilities. i know that even though i hate the word, responsibility, so much, i have no choice but if i did, i would just run away from it. im that kind of person who runs away when i must face difficulties. in other words, PATHETIC.

running away, finding the easy way out. it all sounds so simple. now, i feel as if i cant wait for death to come to me. whoever said life is short is dumb. life's the longest thing youll ever do!

damn it!! so netball starts tomorrow. its like saying "the nightmare begins..again"

question is: can i take it? the pressure to be captain..the pressure to have a better judgement?

its all crap. its been wad? about a month since we last trained. during that 1 month, i manage to totally relax and all. i actually had the time to go out every single day. i didnt go home dead tired and sweating like a pig. i dont think ill be able to tahan the training anymore. i always thought i was tough and all but seeing that the easiest way out is to just quit netball and be free from it, im tempted, very tempted. top it off, i still havent told mr teo about losing the key. keep 'procrastinating'. im going paranoid over that. all the what if? questions. last night i even dreamt about it! but before my sub-conscienceness could think up of a reaction, it was too cold and i woke up.

make things worse: today was the last paper, maths paper 1. i left the whole last page blank! didnt even know there a last page until i turn the paper over when invigilator say pens down. total crap. i lost 6 marks just like that.

suddenly everythings going wrong.

spent the whole day tryna firgure out archiving!!

-Sensitive- You're Sensitive, and you'd like to
stay that way. Sorry,listened to a bit too much
Jewel there. You're sweet and very emotionally
charged. You definitely love the person you're
with, and always want to know how they're
feeling so you can make sure they're happy.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

once again, im wasting my time trying these quizzes..

You're just You. Being sweet doesn't necessarily
matter.You'd rather just be you and if people
don't like it,screw them.


How Sweet are You?
brought to you by Quizilla



-2nd Sphere- Well, you're obviously mysterious. the
2nd Sphere, "Faith" is famous only
because it's where Mandala came from, before
Martyr absorbed her, even before she went to
Center Avalon. Feel lucky, this is a whole lot
of empty real estate.


Which Of The Nine Spheres Would You Live In?
brought to you by Quizilla

i just had the best time in a loooong time today. =) not really that long, lar; just wanted to exaggerate.

first we (me, lati, aisyah, hanis, dyn) started the day by going back to school. they wanted to take home their books or whatever and i just didnt wanna stay at home so i just followed them. i was late - as usual. but luckily i wasnt the only one. =) after that aisyah said her parents expected her home a.s.a.p so she had to go. the rest of us just went to kfc to eat. at first we thought wanna eat at istanbul. actually not exactly we, just lati, so we just followed her, lar. in the end, when we reach there, me and dyn say rather eat at kfc since it was so hot. we had a blast at kfc. as usual we were sarcastic about each other and joke joke make fun. hanis, as usual, wad tryna convince us to follow her go escape theme park with her and her cousins. since yesterday or the day before, but we kept insisting no. after kfc we went to cash converter, spotlight and challenger. you wouldnt believe all the stuff in cash converter! there was even an autographed cd of a1! i can still remember around last year i still liked a1 a lot but now theyve split. so sad..

while we were looking around, dyn suddenly had to go so we were left with me, lati and hanis. then as we waited for the bus, hanis told us that syida maybe going escape with her. so i got all excited and decided if syida go, i would also go. hear that only, of course syida also wanna go. haha. from then, lati also wanted to go. amazingly, ever since escape open, she hadnt gone there at all before. 'cause of that, her dad pitied her so he let her go escape with us, expense money included. hanis wanted to go to her cousins house, which was in front of loyang point, so i got off with her, thinking id walk the rest of the way or take 3. but as luck would have it, her cousins were at the bus stop. if i had stayed with them to take the bus, i would be so extra - all her cousins, then one girl standing there. so i just anyhow say nevermind id walk. hanis was complaining about it. haha. with her normal whiney voice, "..this stupid girl just, ehz i walk arhz bye" haha. she can be very cute sometimes.

so me, lati and syid met hanis outside escape. so fun. haha. of the 3 times i went escape, this time i finally got to try the panasonic 8 and inverter. those rides knocked the wind out of me, for like 5 min only. pathetic. they werent so scary untill your knees turn jeely or whatever. while we lined up for the panasonic 8, hanis, this stupid girl, line up for both panasonic and go-karts. she keep asking us and her cousins line up for her. 'cause of her, we were sort of reprimanded by the lady at the door, saying next time cannot go in and out of the queue and whatsoever. then we also rode the pepsi thing, the kite thing, wet and wild, ferris wheel. haha. pathetically, i dunno the names of most of these rides.

in the ferris wheel, me and hanis were passing my handphone from different carriages 'cause her brother keep calling. so funny, sialz. the downtown east ntuc chalets were right next door to the ferris wheel and the second floor got these cute guys. they were waving when i looked out. i think waving to me and lati maybe. they were really cute. =) haha. when we got off, they were saying hi, hello, bye all these. me, hanis and syid just keep quiet ignore ignore but this lati, she just had to answer them. *flirt* haha. (kidding, gerl. dont get pissed k.)

had a great time. i feel like going again next week.

these quizes are fun. =)
helps me waste time.

You are Gambit!

You are a fierce fighter and a good friend to have.
Your preference for solitude and your
attractiveness make you very intriguing to
those you meet. Unfortunately, close
relationships are few and far between for you
because you often have trouble opening up to
others.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely
devoted to others,especially that one
person.You really can't get them out of your
head,but then,you don't really want to.


What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the Figher Femme


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


hah! as if.

You are not a sunset. You can't remember the last
time you saw the sun. The sun is evil.
You relate with the moon on a deeply profound
level. That, or you're just a text-book
hermit.

You're self concious- but you needn't be. You are
actually strikingly attractive.

You would never even want to be a sunset
anyway, and you don't know why you took this
test in the first place. Sunsets might be
overrated, but at least you can feel good by
the fact that you're constant. A sunset is so
flippant and noncommital. You are an
individual, and proud of it.


-~Which SUNSET are you? (v.2)~-
brought to you by Quizilla

art sucks!

for the past few weeks, weve (netball girls) gotten used to the no training lifestyle..its so shiok! but by tuesday all my exams gonna be over and netball trainings are gonna start! i hate it! i used to love netball so much. until i came to dunman. crapp. to add, last week i lost the cage key and i havent found a chance to duplicate from a senior. no excuse to. i cant believe i have to resort to this. note to self: tell mr teo about cage key asap! bought a book titled 'lady: my life as a bitch' i think about one or two days ago. yesterday i read it already and i quote a few phrases and stuff from it:

"It made me realise that you can never trust anything, because when things seem to be all right, there can be terrible things happening behind your back that can affect your whole life, without anyone ever letting you know."

"I need a better reason to stick with a boy than just love."

"..living my life, the life I wanted. And you know what? That's the one thing you're never allowed to do."

"..bloody little gentleman.. All he could think about was what I wanted, and making it all right for me, and he couldn't put two thoughts together about how he wanted it to be for him."

"In the past, when I'd caused them so much worry with my wild ways, they (narrator's family) were always ready to forgive me and take me back on any terms. Love is the strongest thing on this earcth - I truly believe that to be so. Love can see through to our hearts."

"It made me so angry that it was never enough for me to be myself."

all these phrases/sentences have so much meaning.. and this is only a little part of the book. anyways, now im gonna think about the 'purpose of human life'. i cant seem to find any answers. at this time, this century, to be so-called successful, you gotta work like a dog and stress yourself out. in the end, we stil die. from out schooling days to our retirement, all we ever to is worry, worry, worry. stress, stress, stress. work, work, work. is that what the purpose of human life supposed to be? i bet ill never be able to find the correct answer.

submerged in the thoughts of my mind..

=) *smiles*

im not really sure why, lar..but ive been quite happy lately. and i have to say, syida me and aisyah have really gone crazy. haha. weve been walking home almost every day. were crazy, yes i know. but its fun! isnt it ironic that we always thought dunman was so far away from our houses, then we realise that if we take the bridge which is near the main gate, its actually very near!

remember the priya thing? well, guess what? she insists were over that incident now. i hope so.. *smiles* and praba gave me some 'inside info' about aqil. so it seems i shouldnt be questioning his loyalty to me. it "gets on his nerves". anyways, exams are here, studying like shit, tryna cram everyday. it sucks. but then again, i rather have exams all year round than netball trainings. i miss it, yeah. but i hate it too. wish i kept to my word of not joining netball. i just gotta endure for another 2 years..just 2 years.

now im doing my art so i gotta make it short. just now some christian people came and talked to me. nice people. joseph and priscilla. a question to myself: what is the purpose of human life? joseph and priscilla will be back. not quite sure when but theyll be back. once again, theyre nice people. *smiles*

Love is too young to know what conscience is,
Yet who knows not conscience is born of love?
Then, gentle cheater, urge not my amiss,
Lest guilty of my faults, thy sweet self prove.
For, thou betraying me, I do betray
My nobler part to my gross body’s treason;
My soul doth tell my body that he may
Triumph in love: flesh stays no farther reason,
But rising at thy name doth point out thee
As his triumphant prize. Proud of this pride,
He is contented thy poor drudge to be,
To stand in thy affairs, fall by thy side.
No want of conscience hold it that I call
Her “love” for whose dear love I rise and fall.

William Shakespeare: Love is too young to know what conscience is.

*lamely*: i dont even understand it. but it takes my mind off priya.

bloody freakin' hell!! what the hell is priya's prob?! excuse moi..i aint the one who spread rumours about her friend even when i knew it wasnt true. i aint the one being so affected by words until i cry! puhleeze..get a life!

everytime i think of you
i feel a shock right through
with a bolt of blue
its no problem of mine but its a problem i find
living a life that i cant leave behind

theres no sense in telling me
the wisdom of a fool wont set you free
but thats the way that it goes
and its what nobody knows
and everyday my confusion grows

everytime i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
waiting for that final moment when
u say the words that i cant say

im feel fine and i feel good
im feeling like i never should
whenever i get this way
i just dont know what to say
why cant we be ourselves
like we were yesterday

im not sure what this could mean
i dont think youre what you seem
i do admit to myself
that if i hurt someone else
then well never see just what were meant to be

everytime i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
waiting for that final moment when
u say the words that i cant say

everytime i see you falling
i get down on my knees and pray
waiting for that final moment when
u say the words that i cant say


fell in love with that song since i heard it..long time ago. but only heard it recently again. thanks for telling me the title syid. love ya! and lati and dyn and ren and hanis and aqil..

hmmx..was juz thinking about aqil when i saw this quiz thingie on msn.

He's a mystery man.
Sure, we all like our romantic partners to retain a little air of mystery, but your relationship is shrouded in darkness! Your man is simply not letting you deep enough into his life — and that needs to change. If he resists your curiosity, you may want to put in a little detective work. Why not drop by his office occasionally to get a feel for his work life, or sneak a peek at his high school yearbook? Quite frankly, you need more info on your so-called partner, for the sake of intimacy — and perhaps as a wake-up call that the relationship is over. Read on for some tips on trying to get your guy to open up.

ok. so the working thing cant be counted as true since hes too young to even have a job. that part i just kinda used my imagination and thought what he might do and whatever.

im sane. im going crazy. im crazy.

I am truly passionate.

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

ok. so ive decided to use blogspot.

I hate you, I love you
I just can't remember to forget you
Who are you, who needs you?
You make me feel alive, I die, so high
I'm crawling on the ground
I have found I can fly

One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What's it all about?

Time is creeping behind me, surrounding around me
Fading the words so desperately
Now give me a reason that I can believe in
Time is something you can't rewind
One of these days it all comes together
One of those days that goes on forever
Think I sound crazy? Maybe, whatever
What's it all about?